December 14, 2010

OLD
Emotion: Depressed.
Today my mom confronted me about this blog and a post that was pretty depressing. A piece called "Fragile and Frail" it was something I wrote in creative writing for a This is how I remember it paper. My paper was about a fight my mom and I had and how it sent me back into depression I've been fighting my whole life. How that night I gave into my depression and how an hour or so after the argument I had found slits on my left wrist for proof. I guess I never really thought she would find my blog because I never really told anyone but my Gram and Ricky. I knew my Gram would never tell because she is my trusty. So my mom is worried now because I went into relapse and cut after four years of "remission." I hope she doesn't ever try to talk to me about it. I know I will just start crying and feel guilty. I'm tired of crying and acting like a pathetic child. I got sent to the counselors office today and I freaked out because I thought my mom called and told someone. I Wonder if parents ever become less nosy? I doubt it, at least with my parents. I wonder if I went to counseling if they would re diagnose me with a stronger depression since I've taken more action now a days then I did back in Middle school.
I wonder how many people would freak out because i'm still suicidal. The middle school had a fit when they found out because I'm really good at hiding it, i'm such a fake. Depression is such an odd emotion, I wonder what the direct definition is? Is it a mixture of sadness to the point of death? Does suicidal even fit in that topic?


Depression: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with a depressive disease cannot merely "pull themselves together" and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression.